There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
