You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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