I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
