I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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