What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
