She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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