Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
