I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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