i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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