is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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