how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
