Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
