Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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