She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
