And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
