went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
