you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
