check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
