The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
