i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
