i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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