i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was confusing and full of hummus
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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