Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
