FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize