ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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