It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
