Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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