Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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