i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
