cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
