My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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