Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
