I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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