Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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