His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
