the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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