I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
