she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
