nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
