I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Will you blow on my dice?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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