Got a toothbrush?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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