Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
