No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
