sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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