Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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