I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
