i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
