so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
