Are we in a gay sports bar?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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