it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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