used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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